Real. Simple.

This was supposed to be my post from Wednesday. We had an amazing staff meeting that was like a mini worship service, small and intimate. Thien and Keri on acoustic guitars and Andrew doing percussion on the cajón. We sang hymns and it was simple and beautiful. It brought me to tears, and I felt a stirring to write that day.

Later that afternoon I rode my bike to the beach; I would have to say that at least 90% of my thoughts about writing are inspired on my solo rides. I thought about the hymns that we sang earlier and how song melodies and lyrics were simpler back in the day. I find so much joy in the simplicity of God’s creation; the water, the sand, the wind. Aaaaand…the snake I ran over on the bike path. (PETA members, if you’re reading this, it wasn’t my fault. It was on a winding curve, uphill, gaining momentum, and I didn’t see it until it was literally in front of my tire. Ew.)

As I pedaled I reflected on the simple and uncomplicated mechanics of how a bicycle works. The rest of the day unfolded into what I thought was clear direction on the theme of my post. That word…simple…don’t we all long for that in our lives? So I came home and sat at my laptop, typing away, waxing poetic about bikes and beaches and snakes and somehow-there’s-going-to-be-a-tie-in-here…

And there wasn’t.

I couldn’t figure it out. A bike ride had never let me down before (maybe it was the snake)! I tried and tried to make it work and it just wouldn’t. Never wanting to post something just for the sake of posting, I gave up.

A lot of you know my cancer story, and more specifically about how God told me he was going to make me brave (and he did). Recently I’ve been asking myself the question “yeah, well, it’s easy to say God made you brave when you’re on the other side of it. Would you still be brave if you got cancer again?” I didn’t know how to answer that question…plus it might be kind of weird since I was talking to myself to begin with.

The day after my bike ride and writer’s block I had an appointment for a mammogram. As I waited for the radiologist to read the images, the all-too-familiar feeling of anxiety started to creep in when it took a bit longer for the tech to come back. Fast forwarding to the end of the story: four more images and two ultrasounds later, I find myself in need of another biopsy (my fourth or fifth since treatment ended). Since my MRI in November I have produced some sort of 2cm something that they need to check out. GAH.

It turns out, I think, that I was supposed to write about simple after all. As I processed through the emotions and disappointment of having to go through this again I felt God saying to me that TODAY, not later this week when I know the results, I am to declare his glory. I am to declare that I AM a cancer-survivor, even if I get cancer again because cancer will not define me. The simple truth is that he is a kind and good God who hates cancer and loves me and will be with me through every part of it (whatever “it” is). The simplicity of his message…I will provide…is what I am to declare, and cling to, and be comforted by. In all circumstances, in every everything, he is with me.

So here comes the “real” part of the post. This is not just shameless plagiarism from the magazine title. Under normal circumstances I play my cards pretty close to the chest. In all the other times I’ve had to have biopsies I wouldn’t dream of announcing it in such a public forum. This time I’m asking you to join me in asking for God’s will. That’s it. The simple prayer that never fails.

"And whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say, it is well, it is well with my soul.”

Thanks, friends.